Funeral flowers: who sends what, and when
Flowers say what words struggle to when someone has died. Here is a plain guide to the choices, who tends to send which, what a notice means when it asks for family only or donations in lieu, how to word the card and how to honour a service in another city.
Hardly anyone knows exactly what to do when a death is announced, and that is fine. Three questions sort it out: how close were you, should your flowers be seen at the service or arrive at the family’s door, and what suits your budget. Start with the notice. If the family has stated a preference, that settles it.
Four kinds of flowers for a farewell
Each kind has its own size, its own senders and its own destination. Pieces for the service are usually booked via the funeral home or a florist close to the venue, whereas a sympathy bunch for the household can be ordered online.
Sympathy flowers
A hand-tied bunch in white or gentle colours that arrives at the family’s house in the days or weeks after a death. It is the warmest personal gesture and suits every notice, including those that restrict tributes. This is the one you can order here.
Ordered online View sympathy bouquets →
Sheaf, posy or tied bunch
A flat sheaf or small tied posy that sits near the coffin during the service, with a card attached. Friends, neighbours, workmates and wider family usually pick this. A funeral home or local florist can arrange it.
Via the funeral home How to arrange it, below →
Casket or coffin spray
The wide arrangement that rests on top of the coffin. The closest relatives nearly always choose it, often as a joint tribute, and it may be paired with lettered pieces spelling a name such as MUM or NAN.
Via the funeral home How to arrange it, below →
Wreath
A round wreath has long stood for life that goes on. Families, employers, clubs and groups of friends often send one together, and it is displayed beside the coffin.
Via the funeral home How to arrange it, below →Who usually sends what
| Your connection | Common choice | Goes to |
|---|---|---|
| Partner, child or sibling | A casket spray, lettered piece or wreath, often chosen jointly | The service |
| Other relatives | A wreath, sheaf or posy and a card | The service |
| Friend or neighbour | A sheaf for the service, or a bunch for the household. Some guests lay a single stem on the coffin | Either |
| Workplace, club or team | A wreath or generous sheaf with a group card | The service |
| Living far away | A tribute placed by the funeral home, plus a bunch at the family’s door | Both |
Booking a tribute for the service
Wreaths, sprays, sheaves and lettered pieces are normally booked through the funeral home named in the notice, or via a florist near the venue, and arrive shortly before the service starts. Phone the funeral home first: most have a preferred process and know what the family wants. For a sympathy bunch at the family’s door, which never goes against a family’s wishes, you can order here.
Timing
Services often follow soon after a death, sometimes within a few days, so it pays to move quickly. Tributes are dropped at the venue, while a household bunch can turn up whenever you like.
- The day you hear
A card or a simple bunch lets the family know you are thinking of them right away. Gentle colours work best.
- When the notice appears
Look for wording such as family only, donations in lieu of flowers or private service, and respect it. If tributes are welcome, call the funeral home listed.
- Once the date is set
Ask the funeral home or a nearby florist for a wreath, sheaf or spray, and give them the full name, the venue and the starting time.
- The day itself
Your tribute is taken to the venue ahead of the service and positioned the way the family prefers.
- Weeks or months on
A late bunch is never wrong. Families often treasure one that turns up once the visitors have gone and the house is quiet, or on a birthday or anniversary.
In lieu of flowers
A growing number of notices invite donations to a charity in place of flowers. If that is the wish, honour it. A card is always welcome, and a bunch for the household a few weeks later, after the busy days, can be a quiet comfort.
What to write on the card
Cards are small, so a handful of words is enough. The family will read it again later, so let it sound like you. Some ideas:
Sign with the names the family will recognise: “The Nguyen family”, “Your friends at Bayview Primary”, “Sam and Jo”. For a group, the group’s name is enough.
Choosing flowers
Tradition favours white and pale shades, which stand for peace and respect, but nothing is set in stone. If the person adored a particular bloom, colour or corner of the garden, honouring that is often the most touching option. Banksia, eucalyptus, wattle foliage and kangaroo paw feel right at an Australian farewell, and rosemary is an age-old sign of remembrance.
Fitting choices
- White and ivory - lilies, roses, carnations, callas
- Deep red roses - from a spouse or very close kin
- Their favourite - sunflowers, tulips or any bloom with a story
- Foliage and natives - eucalyptus, fern, banksia
Think twice
- Neon orange or bright yellow can read as festive, so skip them if unsure
- Red from a more distant sender can feel overly intimate
- Heavily scented blooms for a small chapel, because lilies are potent
- Overriding a request for family only - choose the household instead
Honouring a service in another city
It is simpler than it seems. Ring the funeral home or a local florist for the service, and order a sympathy bunch for the family’s address. Here is how:
- Note the facts
The funeral home, venue, date, time, full name and the family’s address, most of which appear in the notice.
- Pick your gesture
A tribute for the service (see the table above), a bunch for the household, or both, each with a short card.
- Book promptly
Call the funeral home or florist once the date is set. A household bunch can wait until you are ready.
- Leave it with us
The tribute reaches the venue and the sympathy bunch reaches the house. You are there in spirit, even when you cannot travel.
Send a hand-tied sympathy bunch to a family anywhere in Australia, with your card.
View sympathy bouquets →
Common questions
What does family only mean on a funeral notice?
It is a request that only the closest relatives place tributes at the service. If you see it, hold off on a wreath or spray. A bunch or potted plant delivered to the household afterwards, or a gift to the cause the family names, is the kind thing to do.
How far ahead should I order?
Contact the funeral home or a nearby florist as soon as the date and venue are confirmed. Bunches for the household can be sent right away, or even weeks later. Services are often held within days or a couple of weeks of a death, so there is rarely time to wait.
How do sympathy flowers differ from tributes at the service?
Sympathy flowers are a private gesture that arrives at the family’s door. Tributes such as wreaths, sprays and sheaves are displayed at the service beside the coffin. Many people send one of each. Our guide to sympathy flowers has more on the first kind.
What if I live too far away to attend?
Ring the funeral home or a florist near the venue and ask them to place a tribute on your behalf, then order a bunch for the household yourself. Your card carries your message on the day.
Is it rude to skip flowers?
Not at all. Plenty of families ask for charity donations instead, and a heartfelt card or phone call means a great deal. Go with what the notice says, and with what feels right to you.
